feeling emo these days... and so much is on my mind
so.. my sister is going to Vancouver 
yah, I should be happy for her, but I'm kinda jealous
don't know why, but I always think that she better than me..
she gets an NDS without even asking my parents... they just gave it to her as her birthday present.. while I told them I want one for years and they never got one for me,, and now I have to get one myself when I want a PSP..
she gets a laptop, just cuz... I don't even know for what.. she already has a desktop.. I don't know why my parents got her that.
she gets to go out with friends, while I can't
she hides a lot of things behind my mom's back, yet she never get caught...
many people just tend to compare me with her.. saying how she's more mature and she looks older and all those shit!
I'm tired of being compared to her.. yah, she's taller, prettier, and she looks older... I have very very low self esteem when I stand beside her... because of what people say around me.
my grandma once said to her friends that my sister is the smarter and useful one while I'm just there... I was so pissed, but I have to forgive her because she's my grandma. [but i never really did]
and once in my life, I felt proud of myself [physics project] then she just say things like oo I did that years ago, you're only doing that now? I know her school is all advance and shit, but that's doesn't mean she's smarter and she can't compare with me, since we are in different schools ...
now she's going to vancouver, she can compare with me fairly now and i'm afraid that the only pride I have will be gone... 
my relatives will continue comparing me with her.. 
I hate it when they do,,, cuz I have to act like I don't care whatever hurtful words they say to me, but in fact I really do care.. 
whenever I mention this topic to my parents, they dont' even take it seriously.. all they say is just be yourself and don't listen to what others say.. 
they'll never get it, because they are both the younger sibling in their family... no one will get me 
this is why I have to vent about it here... I have no one to talk to 
I've heard of the younger sibling being compare to the older sibling, but I've never heard of the opposite.. 
I want to be the better one, but on one will care... it almost seem like people only care about my sister.. [I'm probably being a little over the top here]
I remember when I told my aunt and mom that I got a really good mark in chem.. then they say.. you did better than last year. and they never say good job! [maybe I'm just asking for too much]
on the other hand, my mom said she has to give my sister a present for getting a very good mark in chem... 
me? nothing... I'm not asking for anything, but I'll be happy if she's as happy when she heard about my mark in chem.
after hearing what ms sunjka said about how many mothers can like one child better than the other, I feel like maybe my parents and relatives like my sister better... or maybe just cuz I'm gone all the time, so they grew closer... 
I'm just sad how they don't take me seriously and they don't get me. 
sometimes I feel like my friends understands me way more than my family. 
at least when I tell my friends about something good, they'll say I'm so happy for you :D
where as my parents are just like ok.. that's better than last time... 
-_- 
I have so much more to say that this entry will be never end if I continue... 
so .. I'll just go hide in a corner and cry now :/

this is a long story...
so the night before, I was panicking about eng. seminar and physics quiz..
I stayed up late doing physics questions... but I was so pissed that I didn't get it.. so I gave up and went to bed..
then the next morning.. I was changing and my aunt knock on the door, so I said "mmm"
to make some noise, so that she knows that I'm awake. I thought  she heard my noise, so when she asked me if I'm awake, I said "Of course I am, I'm talking to you" in a normal tone and I even kinda laughed at the end of the sentence as like a joke.
Then she thought I was being mean. She was like What now! i'm just asking if u are awake, you don't need to talk back to me like that!" "Next time if you slept in, I won't wake you up!"
I was so shocked... I didn't expect her to say that, cuz I really didn't mean any harm... so I explained to her when she came back upstairs.
Then she's like fine, whatever you say. << in a way that she doesn't believe me or think I'm annoying
I said "But i really didn't mean it, I was just joking... then u just started yelling at me for whatever reason."
she said "I'm yelling at you because you talked back at me rudely"
so I reassured " but I really didn't mean it."
then she said "fine, it's all my fault then!" << I HATE it when people say that, especially when i know they don't mean it!! I just hate it!! but I didn't talk back at her this time, cuz I needed to go>>
so I didn't say anything and she said "yah, now you are going to hate me, you always hate people!"
I'm like WTF! [in my mind of course :P] I said "No I don't... fine..if you want to think of me as that way, so be it!" Then I slammed the door and left.

I like arguing with her, but I didn't know how to face her after school... :S
so after school, when she came back, I acted like nothing happened, but she kinda gave me this annoyed face and she didn't talk to me until I asked her something nicely..

Honestly, I'm actually proud of myself, because I finally expressed my anger and stopped being weak; also, I was able to control myself and stop myself from continue arguing with her. :)
if I have more time and if she's not my aunt, but my dad or my mom, I won't just leave.. I'll argue more till I win! :P maybe that's why I used to fight with my mom for day and I even tried not to eat dinner and any food to make my mom feel guilty... LOL I was such a bad kid

LOL I felt so cool that I did a dramatic exit! LOL I always wanted to do that ;D I know I'm weird...
Now I know I shouldn't talk when I'm lack of sleep, because I'm just gonna talk shit without thinking :P

feeling emo these days... and so much is on my mind
so.. my sister is going to Vancouver 
yah, I should be happy for her, but I'm kinda jealous
don't know why, but I always think that she better than me..
she gets an NDS without even asking my parents... they just gave it to her as her birthday present.. while I told them I want one for years and they never got one for me,, and now I have to get one myself when I want a PSP..
she gets a laptop, just cuz... I don't even know for what.. she already has a desktop.. I don't know why my parents got her that.
she gets to go out with friends, while I can't
she hides a lot of things behind my mom's back, yet she never get caught...
many people just tend to compare me with her.. saying how she's more mature and she looks older and all those shit!
I'm tired of being compared to her.. yah, she's taller, prettier, and she looks older... I have very very low self esteem when I stand beside her... because of what people say around me.
my grandma once said to her friends that my sister is the smarter and useful one while I'm just there... I was so pissed, but I have to forgive her because she's my grandma. [but i never really did]
and once in my life, I felt proud of myself [physics project] then she just say things like oo I did that years ago, you're only doing that now? I know her school is all advance and shit, but that's doesn't mean she's smarter and she can't compare with me, since we are in different schools ...
now she's going to vancouver, she can compare with me fairly now and i'm afraid that the only pride I have will be gone... 
my relatives will continue comparing me with her.. 
I hate it when they do,,, cuz I have to act like I don't care whatever hurtful words they say to me, but in fact I really do care.. 
whenever I mention this topic to my parents, they dont' even take it seriously.. all they say is just be yourself and don't listen to what others say.. 
they'll never get it, because they are both the younger sibling in their family... no one will get me 
this is why I have to vent about it here... I have no one to talk to 
I've heard of the younger sibling being compare to the older sibling, but I've never heard of the opposite.. 
I want to be the better one, but on one will care... it almost seem like people only care about my sister.. [I'm probably being a little over the top here]
I remember when I told my aunt and mom that I got a really good mark in chem.. then they say.. you did better than last year. and they never say good job! [maybe I'm just asking for too much]
on the other hand, my mom said she has to give my sister a present for getting a very good mark in chem... 
me? nothing... I'm not asking for anything, but I'll be happy if she's as happy when she heard about my mark in chem.
after hearing what ms sunjka said about how many mothers can like one child better than the other, I feel like maybe my parents and relatives like my sister better... or maybe just cuz I'm gone all the time, so they grew closer... 
I'm just sad how they don't take me seriously and they don't get me. 
sometimes I feel like my friends understands me way more than my family. 
at least when I tell my friends about something good, they'll say I'm so happy for you :D
where as my parents are just like ok.. that's better than last time... 
-_- 
I have so much more to say that this entry will be never end if I continue... 
so .. I'll just go hide in a corner and cry now :/

this is a long story...
so the night before, I was panicking about eng. seminar and physics quiz..
I stayed up late doing physics questions... but I was so pissed that I didn't get it.. so I gave up and went to bed..
then the next morning.. I was changing and my aunt knock on the door, so I said "mmm"
to make some noise, so that she knows that I'm awake. I thought  she heard my noise, so when she asked me if I'm awake, I said "Of course I am, I'm talking to you" in a normal tone and I even kinda laughed at the end of the sentence as like a joke.
Then she thought I was being mean. She was like What now! i'm just asking if u are awake, you don't need to talk back to me like that!" "Next time if you slept in, I won't wake you up!"
I was so shocked... I didn't expect her to say that, cuz I really didn't mean any harm... so I explained to her when she came back upstairs.
Then she's like fine, whatever you say. << in a way that she doesn't believe me or think I'm annoying
I said "But i really didn't mean it, I was just joking... then u just started yelling at me for whatever reason."
she said "I'm yelling at you because you talked back at me rudely"
so I reassured " but I really didn't mean it."
then she said "fine, it's all my fault then!" << I HATE it when people say that, especially when i know they don't mean it!! I just hate it!! but I didn't talk back at her this time, cuz I needed to go>>
so I didn't say anything and she said "yah, now you are going to hate me, you always hate people!"
I'm like WTF! [in my mind of course :P] I said "No I don't... fine..if you want to think of me as that way, so be it!" Then I slammed the door and left.

I like arguing with her, but I didn't know how to face her after school... :S
so after school, when she came back, I acted like nothing happened, but she kinda gave me this annoyed face and she didn't talk to me until I asked her something nicely..

Honestly, I'm actually proud of myself, because I finally expressed my anger and stopped being weak; also, I was able to control myself and stop myself from continue arguing with her. :)
if I have more time and if she's not my aunt, but my dad or my mom, I won't just leave.. I'll argue more till I win! :P maybe that's why I used to fight with my mom for day and I even tried not to eat dinner and any food to make my mom feel guilty... LOL I was such a bad kid

LOL I felt so cool that I did a dramatic exit! LOL I always wanted to do that ;D I know I'm weird...
Now I know I shouldn't talk when I'm lack of sleep, because I'm just gonna talk shit without thinking :P